Advice on head mates and Nature (2010)
Column: Otherkin and Draconity Advice
Advice on Guides and Nature (2010)
Regarding evidence pointing to the conclusion that most of your guides were aspects of yourself imposed over your spirituality, I can speak clearly from experience on this matter, that didn't make them any less real, they were servitors self created spirits of your own energy given consciousness and sentience by your will, so long as you believe, then spiritually they would be strong free thinking entities, without belief, they would as you mentioned, merge or be absorbed back into your spirit. Real or not, what matters most are the experiences and lessons which you had shared together in the process, and the knowledge that at anytime, with a little effort you can bring them back if need be.
As for how this relates to your draconity, take note that just because some aspects of what you had believed (powerful aspects, I know, a life story and allies, some true some false, the truth lost in between) have been decided to be false. This does not mean that it was all a complete lie, you are still a dragon, it is simply a matter of acknowledging what you know of past and form to be truth based on what little evidence you may have, be it phantom wings, dreams, an inner knowing, visions, etcetera, versus what you may have falsely imposed on your spirituality, and then slowly rebuilding your spiritual identity from scratch. Its a long difficult process, I went through it myself back in 2008.
When I discovered my guides were false, I was devastated, I absorbed and merged them into me, and went through a long depression and emotional break down, I then went back to my earliest roots regarding my draconity, what I first envisioned my form as, who was the first dragon guide to awaken within me, was that dragon my past incarnation, what evidence did I have for such, do I relate with that guides form, if not, which form do I relate with, when did that guide or consciousness awaken within me, where did I live, what was it like, how do I know, questions like that.
I slowly rebuilt, my belief on a strong basis of what I knew in my heart to be true, it wasn't as epic or fantastical as my original beliefs, but it was based on the perceived truth in my heart, and I could be confident that no matter what, I knew who and what I was, and that I was a black western dragon, if nothing else, then in spirit.
In regards to the astral plane, I have honestly never been able to astral travel outside of dreams, in as such, I'm afraid that I will likely be unable to help much in this regards, all I can say is, like all things of energy and spirit, anything can be accomplished through focus and intention, as far as I can tell, nothing can lock you from the astral aside from your own self doubt.
As for ditching your circle in the woods, I visit my spirit circle about three times a week, I actually visited it for about an hour before coming home to write this letter, I went out there dressed in a hooded cloak carrying my crystal tipped staff, I didn't do anything out there but hang out and bask in the energy of nature and the night, I listened to music and twirled my staff around a bit, I sat in the center and watched a few dragon themed Youtube video's on my media player, I watched a slide show of meaningful pictures, I visualized having a dragon tail and my wings, I imagined flying and generally I just relaxed.
After a long day at work I find that visiting the location at night, or for sunsets on my days off is reinvigorating both spiritually and otherwise, it is a refreshing escape from society, an isolated and spiritual environment where I can be reminded of mine, and our magickal nature as otherkin, that we are spiritual beings and can be reminded of our origins and truths temporarily free within nature free from the oppressive ways of mans society.
It is important to visit nature, not for the experiments to return home for our lost love ones and families, nor to return to our true forms before it is time, but rather, to simply remember who and what we are, that we are different, and to know we have a place where we can be different, nature becomes a portal to our homelands not in the physical sense, but rather an emotional and spiritual sense, there, at those locations we are safe from the pains and judgments of this world, if only for a little while, we can be free to be what we truly are.
Anyway, for the most part, until we can speak in person, I would recommend hitting a big symbolic Reset Button on your spirituality, the female guide you fought with, reconcile with her, if nothing else, then do it for closure (if the circumstances of the argument can possibly allow) as for the others, remember, whether real our not, guides self created or external beings will only remain so long as they are needed, it is the intention for the companionship that keeps their presence strong, with strong doubts they will leave or be drawn back to your spirit, with intent they are strong, the choice is yours.
But as stated, hit the reset button, start over from scratch to your earliest evidence of draconity and build upon it slowly forming your own personal truth, and do not fear the results no matter how uncomfortable it may be, seek truth over delusion, and approach with patience and confidence in what you are in your heart.
Aside from that, use nature as I do, for personal spiritual pursuits from within yourself. Meditation and personal growth, self reflection and recreation, societal rebellion and draconic remembrance. Lastly, do something fun, go find a cheap theater and watch the movie "How To Train Your Dragon", rent Eragon or Dragon Heart, or perhaps read a book wherein the protagonist is actually a dragon (rather then simply partnered with one), if not that, write your own story or draw some pictures of your own, just try to do something that helps you to relate with the form or concept of a dragon, and strive to remember why you entered on to this path in the first place and why you love the creatures so much.
As well, never underestimate the potential of some meaningful music mixed with a slide show of decent dragon graphics from Deviant Art or Furaffinity to reinvigorate the spark regarding your beliefs. In any case, it is five in the morning as I write this, so I am likely rambling and probably missed the point of your email entirely. Regardless until we speak in greater depth, I hope this has been at least of some form of assistance to you. Until we speak again, may the spirit of the dragon live on so long as we believe. G`night, G`Day, stay safe, stay well, and never let your flame die out.
Good Song/Video I found while writing this letter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gm3q8jIcR6k