Advice when life sucks and your doubting (2010)
(A Letter to a Friend concerning life sucking and struggles with draconity.)
At the time that I write this It is nearly five thirty in the morning, I regret that I have stayed up quite late, this week has been fairly stressful for me as well, mostly due to temporary problems that will drift and fade into history.
When I was growing up, as a child and in to my mid teens, I was forced to hide and suppress the fact that I associated as a dragon, my parents, particularly my father vehemently disapproved of my love and fascination of dragons, it wasn't until my parents got divorced in my late teens that I was safe to somewhat express myself.
Even then, I was still beat down and discouraged, when I was in high school I was a social outcast with only two friends, (Kisai and Kyrla) I was bullied and rejected, I felt worthless and insane, as well, my teachers were generally Jehovah's Witnesses and though legally unable to evangelize, they still criticized my dragon drawings, T-Shirts, and jewelry on a daily bases, hinting continuously that I was wrong and condemned in my beliefs.
Even in the dragon community on line, (around 2001-2002) I was somewhat of an outcast, as my early beliefs were deeply flawed and my website was considered a joke as I was trying to mimic a dragonkin I idolized, as well, at that time in my personal spirituality I rushed through memories and made a lot of false assumptions and mistakes, alongside the fact that my perceived dragon spirit guides were often considered imaginary or delusions, I myself suffered a lot over the years on line and off.
It is a growing process, at least a dozen times throughout my life I had rejected my draconity, earliest being the age of ten, also at the age of thirteen I rejected the belief in being a dragon until I was sixteen in a half, and most recently I rejected my draconity about three years ago for roughly six months, but the truth cannot be suppressed, it will come out one way or another, for years I tried to be normal, but it just felt only as though I were wearing a mask, and I was miserable.
So I have been through a lot of trouble over the years, out of most of my real life friends, I feel my present mate is the only one who truly believes me, the rest I fear just think I'm playing a game or am trying to freak people out for my own amusement.
The stress became so bad in my early awakenings that I tried to use magick and metaphysics to somehow return to my past life or form, to escape this world and its pains and drama's. The experiments failed of course as they were just escapism, (though they did cause a lot of poltergeist activity...) in the end, I realized that I had to stay and fight, I had to help others who were just as alone as I was, or even worse off then I was.
I am presently blessed to have an immense dragon collection, some sixty or so statues, wall to wall dragons posters, art, collectibles, etc, as well as a binder full of hundreds of (poorly drawn) dragons, but it was only in the past three or so years that I was able to obtain such a collection, mostly as I am now an adult, (don't feel like one.) and can't be stopped, but when I was sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, everything had to be done in secret, because everyone despised, my "foolish fantasies, and nonsense with dragons.
I did get a job, (four part time jobs at one time, 0,=,o) and I did go to college, I " grew up" and "focused on the real world" like they wanted, but that didn't stop me from loving and knowing what I was behind their backs, and it couldn't change me from being who and what I was on the inside.
So, all I can really say is fight, and be strong, it is hard now, but in a few years you will have the freedom that you desire, and your wings will stretch wide and fly towards the sunset victorious. Live in the human world, wear the mask when need be, but always know in your heart and mind who and what you truly are.
Below are a few Links which may, or may not be of use
The Social Section of my Spirituality guide, it may have some decent advice:http://www.jafiradragon.com/Social.htm
Page Four of my Spirituality section, it contains quotes and advice I gave others in the past:http://www.jafiradragon.com/Advice.htm
An open letter for those going through hard times:http://www.jafiradragon.com/Advice7.htm
A Rant to my Father about my websites:http://www.jafiradragon.com/Advice6.htm
Otherkin and Draconity Advice: A collection of advice letters Jafira has written in the past.
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