Jafira's Draconity / Awakening:
On line I am known by the identity Jafira dragon however I consider my true draconic name to be Korageth. I perceive myself to be a dragon in mind and soul. I first suspected my draconity when I was quite young, perhaps between the ages of six and ten. As I grew older I tried desperately to suppress such beliefs as they would not be socially accepted.
For many years my belief would come and go until I first gained access to the Internet. Upon discovering a web site known as Alt-fan-dragons around the year 2000, I learned that I was not alone. That moment in time changed my life forever. No longer did I have a reason to suppress such thoughts, no longer was I the only one with such bizarre perceptions.
Keeping in mind that I had suppressed my draconity for most of my teen years, I am ashamed to say that when I first discovered that I was not alone in my beliefs, I immediately begun an attempt to "dig up" all that I had previously suppressed. In my rush during that time period I fell into the trap of filling gaps with fantasy, foolishly creating a fictional reality.
As a result I later hit several walls and had to start from scratch. The experience was difficult but allowed me to grow. From my experiences I can state that growing up I had one distinct segment of my conscious mind or thoughts which I had associated as a dragon.
Primarily I believe myself to have been a dark or black scaled western style dragon in a past life, likely nomadic in nature, last residing in a wilderness region consisting of mountains, plains, and a lake. As well I have a recurring dream of having possibly met my end by having been slain outside of a ruined building, possibly alongside a humanoid canine companion. The name of this dragon which I believe myself to have been in a past existence was "Koragus" or "Korageth" based on hearing that name once in the dream.
I base these beliefs off of numerous dreams, visions, meditations, emotions, and just an inner knowing. The fictional stories I wrote in my youth such as "Tycosian Dreams" as well as my various other literary works were based (loosely) off of these perceived memories and were meant to tell a grandiose and exaggerated history of my prior existence. The fantasy intertwined within these stories caused me a lot of conflict later as at that time in my life I believed it all to be fact with insufficient evidence to back any of it up. (I later went back and made a more spiritually accurate account in 2010)
At some point in my mid teens two other draconic persona's or head mates came into my life, they appeared between 1999 - 2000. The two new "dragons" appeared to me as sentient thoughts and personalities within my mind, yet separate from my own. They had distinct names appearances and personalities but had no memories or history, they just woke up in me one day. I strongly believe that they were fragmented memories of other dragons met in Korageth's life given false consciousness through my energy and beliefs at the time.
(Head Mates = Dissociated Consciousness? Tulpas? Servitors? Alternative Personalities? Imaginary Friends?)
Of these two additional draconic aspects, the first appeared as a friendly young green dragon named Jafira with a playful and curious disposition. The other was an elderly western dragon of a yellowish coloration named Veltra and he tended to be more analytical. These two additional "spirits" interacted with me and helped me to achieve some great accomplishments in my teen years, for example Veltra did all my college homework assignments and made sure I found time to meditate or research. Jafira handled my social interactions and helped me with video games and imagination. However at the time I knew very little for certain of their purpose or origin. They just appeared in my head one day. For the most part however their presence was always secondary to myself and my dragon identity Korageth.
Because I appeared to have head mates rather then the common single draconic aspect found among others in the dragonkin online community I was often weary of discussing my draconity. Because of my head mates I often feared that others may have assumed that I was posing, role-playing, confused or simply insane and I honestly allowed those fears to hold me back a lot I am sad to say.
As a result of my self imposed exile, I went into a terrible, and shameful phase of pursuing the truth of my spirituality alone. Naive, arrogant, and assumptive of false truths within my spiritual awakening I became immensely involved in my own brand of theoretical metaphysics and chaos magick in which I pursued a series of foolish experiments in pursuit of transformation or dimensional travel, nothing occurred of course other then failure smashing me back onto a path of maturity, as obviously the laws of physics and reality do not allow for such delusions. It was rough but I did grow and mature out of that irrational phase over time.
(My fluff years are replicated in the anime series "Love Chunibyo & other Delusions" )
Left to my own devices I got into a lot of fluff trying to comprehend how three dragon "spirits" could end up occupying one physical form without conflict and as mentioned earlier I foolishly filled many of the gaps of my evolving belief system with fantasy. That said It took me much longer then I am proud of to figure myself out and it was not fun. As a result of all of the mistakes that I made back then I am still ashamed and questioning myself to this very day.
Around the period of 2007, Jafira and Veltra slowly became less present within my being. My draconic identity Korageth begin to become more dominant and it appeared that the other two somewhat merged into my consciousness their aspects and thoughts melding into my own combining into a single entity becoming less segmented and fractured and more whole and focused. It seems that the two additional dragon "spirits" had ceased to exist in any recognizable form and I am now, as I was before their arrival. A dragon pretending to be human, or vice versa, in either case, one believing himself to have possibly lived as a dragon in a prior existence.
In mid October of the year 2008, I underwent an intense series of self induced trance sessions, In which I confirmed that my head mates Veltra, and Jafira, were indeed simply manifestations of my own consciousness and not separate entities or even past existence's. In as such I came to a much greater understanding of my perceived past as the dragon Korageth and was relieved to have some answers which I had desired. It has since brought a great stability to my life and a better understanding of myself. However, during that particular trance state of meditation, I discovered possible evidence for another separate later draconic existence beyond that as the black dragon Korageth.
This possible second dragon incarnation was and remains a bit controversial at least as far as I am concerned as it was perceived to have been a female dragon. Having just lost my head mates and begun removing most of the fluff from my understanding of my personal otherkin beliefs I was distressed to consider such an idea due to the possible social implications. I felt that identifying as two separate identities with a gender duality would be a dangerous step backwards. As well, although I do not doubt the abilities of a soul, I do distrust my personal psychology considering my past fluffy nature.
I was and remain open to the idea as I consider that all spirit and consciousness is likely genderless. Ones physical form is simply a shell or machine for the soul to use. I believe spirit itself to be androgynous and flexible to any form. So *shrugs* at least on a self perceived spiritual level I may be considered gender fluid but I feel that It is irrelevant. This is not Tumblr and I'll make no gain flaunting the theory about without evidence.
So back on course, I cannot presently confirm or deny anything concerning this second perceived incarnation, there is no evidence beyond something I typed in a word pad while in an odd state of mind. For now I have named her "Rashau" (Ra-shall) and pushed the idea aside. It may come to pass that this "second awakening" was simply a powerful manifestation of my anima and that it may be found to have simply been a psychological misinterpretation rather then a truly spiritual event.
The prospect of her existence needlessly complicates things and I just don't have enough evidence to justify her as anything other then a character. At this present point my possible incarnation as the dragon Korageth and seeking the rational and truth behind him is enough for my focus.
That explained the green dragon Rashau has become more or less just an emotionally meaningful scale-sona or creative character rather then an identity spiritual or otherwise. I find her attractive and to be a vibrant contrast to Korageth in a ying-yang sort of way. I like seeing imagery of her in the sense that she has become sort of a colorful cheerleader or morale booster for me.
In regards to activity on the Internet, I did know that the otherkin community was welcoming, but I had always had a certain shyness or fear of being judged. One weakness which I still fight to overcome. Although I do often fear that others may not take me seriously I know personally that I am only being what I am. I had fought for years to run away from these aspects of myself and failed miserably every time. I can not change what I am inside even if I wanted to.
I can only be myself and I feel I am in some sense a dragon in mind and spirit. It was only in the realization and acceptance of the fact that I was a dragon in some sense that I was able to achieve the peace and balance that I was missing from my life. It was as if a missing piece to the puzzle of who I was had been found and things finally begun to make sense.
My Draconity has been a psychologically detrimental, spiritually hectic and overall a long and stressful journey. But it is a part of who I am and as a result I know myself better and have become a stronger person. I have also learned that draconity is not for everyone. It is not simply a game or mask you wear, it is a state of inner being, you cannot simply choose to be an otherkin, you either are or you are not and the experiences that one will face through draconity are a mixed blessing at best with positives and negatives but in the end ones reward is the knowing of ones true inner spirit.
Jafira's Draconity: Information about Jafira's spirituality and dragons.
This article has been read 85 times.
| This article hasn’t been rated yet | 0.